How to Destroy your Fears

written by JOSH GESSNER | The Curious Competitor

For 5 years, I’ve struggled with fear of failure.

In 2019 I signed a professional baseball contract, but the yips quickly followed.

Every game turned into a battle against fear.

This struggle led to years of research into fear.

This is what I’ve found:

The 3 steps to Destroy Fear:

1. Deconstruct

2. Irrationalize

3. Exposure

Step 1) Deconstruct

Lay out what you're anxious about in detail.

Ask yourself, "What is it that I'm afraid of?".

For me this was: Not throwing accurately as a professional pitcher.

1.1) Deconstruct this fear and get to the root issue.

I was scared of making a bad throw.

But deep down I was scared of embarrassing myself.

And disappointing the people who believed in me.

Step 2) Irrationalize

When we feel fear, we:

• Over exaggerate the negative consequences.

• Dismiss the positive consequences.

As Seneca famously stated:

“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”

2.1) Imagine the worse case scenario.

• Failing

• Getting rejected

• Embarrassed or humiliated

Is it… really that bad?

The worse case scenario is never as bad as you think.

2.2) The spotlight effect states:

Everyone is too worried about themselves, let alone about you.

No one cares.

Step 3) Exposure

Gradually expose yourself to the thing you're afraid of.

You can’t think your way out of fear:

You need to act.

3.1) Go do the thing

• Ask the girl.

• Shoot the shot.

• Take the risk.

As you expose yourself, you become braver.

But the first step - Is to say “F*ck It”.

3.2) The fear paradox states:

The thing you fear the most is the thing you most need to do.

The people you admire arn’t fearless.

They just take action regardless.

How to Destroy your fear:

1. Deconstruct and get to the root fear

2. Irrationalize the worse case scenario

3. Expose Gradually